Phillistine

I don't want to be too quick-
too bold.
Keeping actions dormant
waiting...
for the perfect moment to speak softly
with verve.

Though I do admire the brave
&
the fortune that favors them
I can't muster the courage, regardless
Yet I still shame cowards.

It has something to do with everyone's predilection to masks.

The cynic is safe

My mother tells me that optimism will get me killed or raped or at least hospitalized
I need to stay sharp, cautious & keep my eyes peeled
Never trust anyone.
Anyone I don't know.
But she doesn't read statistics
If she did she would know that, 9 times outta 10, people who are out to harm you already know you.
Look it up.
Or just look around.






(Who still listens to their mothers, anyway?)

Every once in a while...

I feel you're growing arrogant.
Then I can't help but wonder if you just hid it well before,
But if it weren't for you who would remind me of my inadequacies?
Lord knows someone has to.







I Hope:
All that tape keeps you together
Pasting up your thoughts makes them clear
You do keep busy
That you're getting sleep
That I help you in some way or somehow
You text me again, soon.

Ampersands are my favorite

I don't really even recall
crying & yelling & biting
I must have been a handful
It probably made you feel nostalgic for the time when that's all I ever was
A mess of obnoxious highs & inappropriate lows
(We are just gluttons for punishment)

"EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, THE SAME ARRANGEMENT: I GO OUT AND FIGHT THE FIGHT. STILL I ALWAYS FEEL THE STRANGEST STRANGEMENT. NOTHING HERE IS REAL, NOTHING HERE IS RIGHT."

-Buffy Summers

TRUTH

Its all about moderation

This is a list:

• I didn't see one zombie Michael Jackson this Halloween.
  Thus, it was a bust.
  
  
• Chicago is this weekend, I am excited for my first windy city visit.
  
  
• Mama packed me a lunch for work today.
  I miss her thoughtful gestures, I miss em' a lot.
  (She did my laundry, too)
  
  
• I need new contacts/glasses before my eyes suffocate & I go blind.
  
  
• Oh & fingers crossed I get a second job at Family Video, Stow branch.
  crossing-crossing-crossing
  
  This is no longer a list,
  

Persistence

Maybe if I keep repeating it I will believe it.

"I'll tell you everything, and you tell me everything,

&

maybe we can get through all the piss and shit and lies that kill other people. "

Whats your excuse?

I keep getting that stone in my gut feeling

The one you get when you know a person has stopped listening while you're talking.

Suppose I just need to find better things to say.

I wanna be more like this guy.

Deny, deny, deny

Paranoia,

As the sight of a spider triggers the feeling of it crawling all over you,

It causes you to experience things nonexistent.

Makes me anxious nonetheless.

The end justifies the means.

She knows how to use big words
&

Her hair curls like smoke

its quite endearing

thus her inbox is full of requests

too bad they are none she wants to oblidge

but I do.

Life lessons

Little girls, this seems to say,

Never stop upon your way,

Never trust a stranger-friend;
No one knows how it will end.

As you're pretty so be wise;
Wolves may lurk in every guise.

Handsome they may be, and kind,

Gay, and charming - never mind!

Now, as then, ‘tis simple truth
-Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth!

No sleep till Brooklyn

There will always be someone to compete with.

Rarely do they consciously participate,

Though they always seem to come out the victor.

Concocting all these expectations,
The results deemed sub par.
Clinging to this glimmer of hope:
"Maybe I'm wrong, maybe, maybe, maybe..."

I can't confront anything.

I want it to fall into place.

Judging by past experience, it doesn't work either way

In the land of cowards the fool is king.

Basement Doors

With a song in my head
&

the wind in my ears

My feet stay still and parallel

I wish there were feelings

That surpassed soaring downhill

on the cusp of autumn,

All those beautiful boys

I would like,
for once,

to write something that wasn't swollen with clandestine hopes

or melodramatic romantic woes

&

my black and blue pride.

I don't get why I am not comfortable being on my own.

After all this time,
Hopeless romantic doesn't even cover it.

I really am beating a dead horse.

Heart of Chambers

The twists and turns of events

Surprise me every time

One moment can change everything

Such simple actions

With grand reactions

I hope my bar isn't set too high.
Disappointment has yet to rear its ugly head.
But still, there is time.
I just want to be wrong.
For once.

Half Ghost

You're impossible

I've struck the vein,

in the root of my loneliness.

Its your quick smile and vague eyes.
Its too bad, now I only spit blood.

So many cravings lately.
I could always succumb to my relentless sweet tooth
but that only leads to cavities.
My mouth is chalk full of them.
I don't have the heart nor the money to fill them with metal,
Rather feel the familiar sting every time I taste something sugar coated,